Am I a bad guy?

I consider myself to be polite and considerate. I'm the guy who holds open doors for people, even though it might take them a few seconds or so to reach the door. I'm the guy who stops to pick up items that have been carelessly dropped by someone walking by on the street, and offer it back to them with a smile. I try to refrain from talking badly about people around their back, even if everyone else is. I prefer to give constructive feedback rather than to criticize. I realized today, however, that for all my good intentions I am not perfect.

On the subway home from work, space is at a premium, to say the least. I've seen sardines who've been less cramped. To avoid the masses I walk the extra few minutes to a subway stop that guarantees me a seat on my long journey home. I strategize over which waiting area will give me the optimal chance of obtaining the said seat. Now we've all been in the situation where an elderly person walks in to a crowded subway car and looks in vain for a seat. Common decorum dictates that we give up our seats to the elderly, and rightly so. I knew today that such a person had entered the car because the people sitting around me glanced up and then immediately focused on their books, mp3 players etc... as if they had just seen Satan himself. Suddenly it's the crowded elevator syndrome again and the game of keeping your eyes on anything but the person besides you had begun.

For a brief moment, I considered exiting my comfortable seat and doing the right thing. Then I considered the fact that we hadn't made eye-contact. I was, after all, staring intently at my video iPod. How could I be expected to give up my seat if I hadn't seen the old granny? That would just be ridiculous. And surely old people don't take long journeys on the subway - she must be getting off at the next stop...no point giving away my seat at this point, absurd. Besides, what would I do with my bag? And I am sure that the walker is taking all the pressure off her frail legs, giving her my seat would be a total waste, she's probably more comfortable standing up, the old bag.

At this point, the guilt is building up and I realize I am quite a jerk. So I motion to get up, but it's too late. A man twice my age has offered granny the seat, which she takes gratefully. I sit down again, embarrassed. So the question becomes: is the final action the only thing that matters, and does it overrule my selfish thoughts? Or am I simply a bad guy for not responding immediately with the "good" option?

Ciao.