Why I am quitting online poker (for now ;)

A while back I played poker continually. I wasn't working, and my skills (so called) at the poker table brought me some income. But it also took over my life. My journey to the online gambling den began innocently enough. I deposited $25 and played limit hold'em. I was infatuated. I lost it in 1 hour. Six months later, after playing home games and reading a few books, I tested the water again with $25. I lost it in 3 days playing limit hold'em again. But it was fun. Cut to a year later and my work buddies are entering the burgeoning online poker world with mixed results. I had taught them how to play and their successes made my eventual return that much more inevitable. So I tried again with another $25. Within a month, after experimenting with pot limit omaha, my bankroll was at $150. Three months later it was at $600, and after playing very low stakes I now start to consider that perhaps I am a cut above the riff-raff that fill the virtual seats beside me. And I went to higher stakes.

After work ended, I started to play full time, never realizing of course that I was playing "full time". It consumed my thoughts virtually 24 hrs a day. I couldn't stop thinking of hands that I'd lost, hands I should've won but didn't, and hands I shouldn't have won but did. It's funny but I never considered myself to have an addictive personality. Never had that problem with alcohol or drugs. But there were times when I would play until sunrise, never once thinking it abnormal. I was successful online; certain months I made what many would consider a great take-home income. I played higher stakes and experienced wider swings. I remember quite vividly to this day a $750 pot that I played with 2 others; all the money went in on the turn with myself having the best hand and the best draw. I lost. To a player, my nemesis if you will, that I played with often and who often got lucky to beat me. That he won the pot with a terrible hand almost drove me insane. Picture smoke and train whistles.

I became consumed with poker. When I start playing it is if a cloud shifts over my brain, heightening emotions, intensifying my concentration. The outside world stops - friends would call during my "sessions" and a few minutes after replacing the phone I would have no recollection of the conversation. Hours and months flew by. Searching for a job was simply not a priority. It was all about the next win.

Eventually I grew bored and tired of the rollercoaster of emotions. Mainly I didn't like how angry I would become after taking a horrible beat. It made me angrier than I've ever been. I didn't like the feeling that overcame me at times, when it felt as if I was compelled to play. Like I didn't have a choice. So I stopped. I withdrew my money. When all was said and done I had made an amazing amount of money, considering I started with $25. A chip and a chair as they say. I didn't play for almost 6 months.

I started again recently. While my account had $0, I had frequent player points (those bastards know how to hook you). I used these points to enter a tournament, and placed in the money. I ran those winnings to almost $1000 over a few months, playing an hour or two after work and then on weekends. The last couple of weeks I have played more and more often, until today, where I realized the similar path it was taking me. Again, the frustration and elation, the joy and pain. Ignoring the important things and concentrating on the trivial. Speaking more to virtual players online than my family. SO, I am done. I am emptying my account. My name is Marto and I was an addict.