Breaking the seal.

OK, so you know that feeling. When you've drunk too much water or too much beer or tea or coffee, and you have to get to the bathroom. You're making a mad dash, and every second you wait it feels more likely that the urine will just burst out of any available opening. You start shaking in anticipation as you're unbuttoning your pants, and you're not sure you can hold it any longer. Then there's the moment of release. A mixture of such relief and satisfaction that it is on another level entirely. We've all had those moments. Now if only I could capture the combined effects of say ten of those moments and bottle them and sell them. I'd be a billionaire. Forget Viagra and Prozac, and say hello to the drug of the next millennium...I call it Releasa. See your doctor for details.

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Cancun in pictures....

Just amazing...senor bring me a Corona.

Let's party...and make balloon animals.
Where are those Miami Vice auditions?
Wow this shit really works.
World Cup of Beach Soccer...England vs Argentina in final.
Gopo poses for pictures.
Caribbean Blue. Bring me a Pina Colada.
Speed boat en route to marine reserve.
It's sunset, bring me a Mai Tai.

Partying like it's 1999.

OK, this was a lazy blog, but as they say, a picture's worth a 1000 words. And a big shout out to Gopo, who took these lovely pics. He's got a good shot at winning the Pulitzer.

Bond...

Saw Bond tonight, and I must admit it lived up to the hype. It's the best Bond flick in a long time. Daniel Craig is a great Bond, in fact he's my favourite since Timothy Dalton. It's a darker, crueler Bond. Point of fact is while Pierce was good, he wasn't great, and perhaps the fault lies with the screenwriters he had. But Bond is back to basics, and the series has been necessarily revitalized. The writing was sharp (dialogue between 2 leads Craig and Green especially), acting was top notch. Women were gorgeous as were the locations. Action scenes were tense and displayed the hand-to-hand combat that Bond flicks are famous for.

Yes, it was a little long. That much is quite clear. Cut 10-15 minutes out and I think you've got a classic. It could not have ended on a better note (I got chills), and I will eagerly be awaiting the next installment.

Taking a day off today. Partying hard tonight. See you there.

Kramer gone nuts

In a truly WTF sort of moment, Michael Richards really stepped in the shitbox the other night, after being heckled in a comedy club. Went on a rant that made Mad Mel look like Mary Poppins. Poor guy, I think it's actually quite sad. Check out the clip here!

Crazy shit. That's it. He's done. At least he still has his Seinfeld millions. I mean, really, what happened? I can understand being upset at being heckled. But come on. In my opinion, he probably realized very quickly what he'd said was wrong, then in a misguided attempt to fix it, went overboard, trying to pretend it was all a big joke, a part of his act. Satire. Unfortunately he couldn't pull it off.

Oh, Cancun was awesome. I now understand what it means to want a vacation from a vacation. "these so-called vacations will soon be my death, I'm so sick from the drink..." Will probably write something about it soon.

AND a very belated Happy B-day to our good man Zigzag who indeed is home for a rest.
We will celebrate Friday and Saturday. Cheers mate!

see ya

Bond, again.

Test your knowledge and post your score. Be warned, this was fairly difficult even for me.

Here you go

Yes this is a challenge Mr. Jet"that black prostitute was from 'the Rock'"Boy.
No cheating.

Video games.

Eerie. Stunning. Haunting. Spectacular. And I'm describing a TV commercial for a video game?!? I must be out of my fucking mind. Tell me if you agree. The gameplay might be shit, but they've sure as hell sold me on it. All about the music. Mad World - Michael Stipe?? For a video game? I love it. Now if only I had a game console.

Click here.

P.S Zigzag try control yourself, I know this is blowing your mind right now.

Welcome back

This is the one. Click it. It will make you believe again.

And to the returning readers, I say welcome back.

On a side note, I think they've done a phenomenal marketing job with this one. The posters are darkly lit, moody. Bond with his tie undone, looking ragged. Craig is front and foremost in every picture, perhaps lessening the initial shock of seeing a new Bond on screen. Spies, guns, gambling, women. A good combo. Early word is good. But I will not read any reviews. Reviews fuck with your mind. I'm going in pure baby. The only opinion I want running through my head is my own. This is Bond reborn as Bourne. 'cept cooler.

Tidbits

- It's funny what a bit of encouragement from the right person can do. I've been hating the gym recently, bored out of my mind, no motivation whatsoever, going through the motions. Friday night a girl puts her arm around me, then grabs my bicep and says " Look at these muscles. I had no idea you worked out... ". The next morning I'm in the gym lifting weights like a madman. King Kong ain't got shit on me! As I said, a little motivation goes a long way.

- Saturday night I'm standing in the club district downtown waiting for some friends in a parking lot when a cop cruiser drives by. I watch it pass me, then break...then back up. It reverses until it reaches me, and the cop rolls down his window. With an earnest look he says:
"Hey, you look a lot like George Costanza!"
"George Costanza??" I respond, a little bewildered at what is happening, and a little annoyed at the comparison.
"Yeah, you look a lot like George Costanza!"
"Really...well he's my uncle", I respond quite sarcastically.
To his partner besides him in the car: "Guy looks like George Costanza". Then drives off.
City's finest indeed.

Finally...

Borat is here!

MTV: Hi, Borat, how are you?

Borat: [Kissing his interviewer on both cheeks.] You smell nice!

MTV: Thank you; I shower every day.

Borat: What? This is ridiculous!

MTV: Tell us a little bit about where you come from.

Borat: My name is Borat Sagdiyev, I son of Azambala Sagdiyev and Bogtok the Rapist. I am former husband of Oksana Sagdiyev, who was daughter of Marianne Tuliakbi and Bogtok the Raptist. My hobbies is disco dance, table tennis and also taking photographs of ladies doing toilet without their knowledge. Why not? They don't know. ... I have three childrens: Bilak, Biram and Hooeylewis, who is 12 years old; he has two childrens. Bilak, who is 13, have American pen friend called Mr. Foley; he says all the time, "Come, come visit me, I come visit you, arrange, we pay, we meet in hotel room. Why not? It's very nice!" My sister make my family very proud by being the number-four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan, and she recently receive award from Kazakh minister of industry for Best Sex in Mouth.

MTV: Recently, you stormed the White House to try to get a meeting with President Bush What is your opinion of him?

Borat: We in Kazakhstan very much admire your mighty warlord, George Walter Bush. He is a very wise man and also a strong man, but perhaps not as strong as his father, Barbara.

MTV: What are the differences between America's political system and that of Kazakhstan?

Borat: There are small differences between our system of politic. In Kazakh elections, for example, the winner is not the man with the most votes, but the candidate who can carry a woman against her will for the furthest distance. Our present leader can manage 4.3 miles; how long can Premier Bush? There are other differences too. In America, a woman can vote, but a horse cannot — it is unusual! We say in our country, to give a woman a vote is like to let the monkey fly a plane. Very dangerous! Yes? We do not do this anymore, ever since the 2001 Astana Air crash.

MTV: There's a handful of people over here in the U.S. that are familiar with your previous work on "Da Ali G Show." Are you familiar with the concept of cult comedy acts?

Borat: Yes, I like very much the cult comedian Eddie Murphy. We find him very funny in Kazakhstan; we are going into cinemas and we laugh very much about his chocolate face — it is unusual. I also am a huge fanny of "Womanman Doubtfires," "Bringing Down the Houses" and the sex comedy "The Accused."

MTV: There are a lot of people very eager to see you bring your act to the big screen. Do you see yourself as a cult leader?

Borat: No, I am only the fourth most famous person in Kazakhstan. The third most is Lillian Marcon, who is the ex-Soviet Olympic gymnast who is famous now for working in the circus, where she can put one foot in her mouth and the other in vagine. The number two is [Kazakh President] Premier Nazarbayev, and number one is children's favorite Johnny the Monkey; he is animal actor and was the star of "Transibiesky Express" and many, many other pornos. You know his work?

MTV: Yes, I'm a big fan. So, if you were to officially start your own cult over here, which American celebrities would you want to be your followers?

Borat: I would like very much to have famous anti-Jew warrior Melvin Gibsons; he spoke the truth that the Jews started all the wars, and we also have proof in Kazakhstan that they were behind the wiping out of the dinosaurs. Also, I would like sport hero O.J. Simpsons; he recently came to Kazakhstan, where he was judge of the Miss Kazakhstan contest. One of the female fans got so crazy and excite with him, that she break into his hotel room and then she killed herself and wiped the blood all over his hands!

MTV: Do you have movies in Kazakhstan? What are some of the big hits there?

Borat: Yes, we have films such as "Almati Summer" starring Victor Hotelia, you know him. Ladies, I know him! You come visit me, I introduce you to Victor Hotelia, yes! We also have the film "What a Nice Laughter," starring Walter. More popular is the genre of horror films, particularly "Dirty Jew" and "Dirty Jew 2," "Oh No, There Is a Jew in My Room!" and "Who Took This? The Jew."

TV: If everyone in America loves your movie, most celebrities turn around and quickly release a follow-up. So, what are your future projects?

Borat: I not sure exactly when I will next make a movie film, because for the next 18 months my country's camera is fully booked for make other television program. These include programs such as "Kazakhstan's Next Top Prostitute" and a comedy film about a person who left it very late in his life to make sexy time. It is called "The 4-Year-Old Virgin" — he's almost 5, and he never make liquid explosion!

MTV: Were there any women on your film's crew? Has working on a big movie changed your opinion of females?

Borat: There is no womens in Kazakh film industry. We say in our country, to give a woman a camera is like to give a monkey a gun. We have stopped doing that, ever since the 2003 Almaty Zoo massacre.
MTV: Once "Borat" hits theaters this weekend, you might become a celebrity here in America. Will you let success go to your head?

Borat: I like to just stay normal persons, and do what normal guys do. I like relax, I like to shoot dogs, I like to receive a mouth party from my sister. I like to drink fermented horse urine — I just like staying, and being, a regular guy.

MTV: Well, thank you for your time, Borat.

Borat: Thank you! You're very nice [He gives more kisses.] A pleasure! You must stay at my house — you can use my sister.

Trick....or treat.

That is the question. Well guess who's back. Back again. Yes, I am back from my trip to Montreal, and what a weekend. As always, time will tell whether or not it was successful. I believe strongly that it will be. It was a lot of fun, and I have stories that perhaps I will share another time.

My hopes are high, they might be dashed. It oftens happens to hopes with dreams attached. But at least they were high, if but only for a day. To make money, there must be an easier way. The answer lies not in whether the tip of a pen meets the paper, though this of course is helpful. Nothing like cash to ease the minds of the doubtful.

That and a lapdance or two. And a meeting with the Three Wise Men :-)

Cryptic , yes?

Tired, sorry! Cheers.