#87 - I guess that's why they call this a rant.

This didn't start off as a rant, but it quickly became one:

Anyone seen MTV cribs? Plot: Take audiences on a tour of sometimes very but mostly marginally popular celebs' homes and allow selected celeb to show off, in order: their cars and flat screen TV's and waterfall swimming pools and screening rooms and little doggies and posters of Scarface. As an added bonus we get to see the contents of their fridge and freezer..."I need to have my Gatorade" or "I got O.J., milk, and eggs. I love eggs!" - thrilling! I guess the MTV folk were looking for this reaction:

Girl 1: Like, ohmigod, did you see Busta Capn ass's house on Cribs? He like totally had O.J in his fridge!
Girl 2: No way!
Girl 1: Yes way! Oh, and get this, he had eggs too!
Girl 2: Are you serious? I love eggs! That's soooo hot!

Right. At first it was interesting, since it's not often you get to see where basketball stars or TV stars or rock stars live. Then it got annoying. It irks me that even no-name rappers live in huge mansions and have 4 top of the line Mercedes (same colour and model) lying around the driveway. They decorate their pads with gaudy murals and blue marble and have giant portraits of themselves plastered all over the walls. What did you do to deserve this? Cure cancer? No, you wrote a poem with lots of swearing and yelling about other people's mamas. Genius! Give this man a mansion! Or the 20yr old girl TV star from the half successful sitcom that was only kind of interesting to girls between the ages of 14 and 14.5 about 4 years ago. Anyhow, she too lives in a mansion with 3 cars, 3 dogs and a big swimming pool. What kind of society are we living in? The girl probably spent half a year in junior high before being whisked away to stardom. If she could multiply 2X2 I would be fucking floored. What's that? You played cousin Becky in episode 5001 of "Dawson's Creek"? Forgive me! Give her a mansion!

That's all I got folks. Have a good weekend...
PEACE.

#86

If you disliked the last post, this is for you.

Hope

A glorious sun streaking through a moody sky

Memories of a time gone by.

When dreams were close and dazzling,

A future so bright and dashing.

The sunset’s sweet smile, those ruby red lips,

The whole world lies at my fingertips.

All the places to see, all those people to meet,

One day will they talk of my incredible feats?

Newborn’s first sight, a fresh soul is stirring,

Sweet and pure as the first breath of spring.

The startling blue sky, the promise of a new day,

When was this taken away?

When dreams fade, when the wonder dies,

Time to open your eyes.

Though possibilities are endless, and the world’s at your feet,

Hope is bittersweet.

M.L.

#85

Sometime's life kicks you in the face. Some people just sit down and accept it, and say "hey, sometimes life kicks you in the face, what are you gonna do?" They accept it like an idiot cousin. You know, you can't choose family and all that. But this doesn't have to be the case. Sometimes you have to stand up to life. When it kicks you in the face, stand up and say "Jesus man, that just wasn't called for". And then karate kick life right back in the face. Go pick on someone your own size. Maybe then life will learn not to mess with you.

And one day you might go to the supermarket for some fruit. But life is re-stocking the shelf, and all he has are lemons. So life hands you some lemons and says "sorry pal" and laughs that snarky little laugh of his. Some people might respond: "Meh, lemons aren't so bad...the fruit salad might taste a little odd but sometimes change is good." But no, this is simply unacceptable. Take the lemons, and exclaim "What kind of asshole supermarket only sells lemons? You must be fucking kidding me!", then pound life in the face with them, until the juice drips down his face. Catch the lemon juice in a container. Mix it with some sugar. Make lemonade? Fuck no! Rub the mixture in life's eyes. The little bastard tried to pass lemons off as fruit. And that my friends, is simply unacceptable.

So when life decides to punch you in the teeth occasionally, as is his want, punch back. Don't wallow in a puddle of your blood, sweat and drool. Fight back. Get off the mat. Have some self-respect.

PEACE.
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Why is it that these post-soccer Sunday night blogs are all a little "wacky"? I'm not totally sure.

OK so I lied...so sue me!

As most of you might have guessed, or at least suspected, Xboy is a figment of my imagination. You see my muse attacked me in the middle of the night, held a dagger to my chest and in a silky, sultry voice explained what I had to do to win back her allegiance. I had to be someone else. For just a little while. And then all her powers would return in full force. But for some reason she lied, the lousy bitch. My proclivity for poignant prose has not returned. I'm guessing it was not my real muse at all, but in true soap-opera like fashion, it was her evil twin. So as you see, Xboy was just a ruse to recapture my muse. My humble apologies for leading you on - at the very least I hope it made your days slightly more interesting. But lest I totally remove all mystery from "his" posts, I will say that certain things referred to in the posts are 100% true, and it was not all a hopeless sham.

Not to say I told you so, but I just saw V for Vendetta and I must say... I told you so. It's the must-see movie of the month. It revived the inner anarchist in me, someone who hasn't been active since the ending of Fight Club a couple years back. Yes, it is very much a political statement, but it is also very entertaining, thought-provoking and packs an emotional punch.

In other news I also saw Tsotsi, the South African Academy Award winner for best foreign film. Very good. I think ex-South Africans will obviously be impacted more by the film, which shows passion for Africa and its people. Ultimately, though an often violent portrayal of the life of a township thug, Tsotsi is a story of hope and redemption. Great soundtrack! The movie will linger with you for days. Amandla! indeed...

peace.

Open day.

OK, today is open day. You will decide what goes onto the blog, because you will write the blog. Leave a comment, and I will take the most interesting ones and put them on the front page. Otherwise feel free to email me something you'd like to see put up. If you'd like it to remain anonymous let me know.

They will go here:

"Serious?

That's what you've come up with?

C'mon...dude, when I read YOUR blog, I wanna read YOUR blog, assumingly containing YOUR thoughts - to which I would reply accordingly. Now however, you wish to pawn off unto us this tepid farce of an idea. You actually think that that's going to work?

Nah-uh...you gots to comes up wit more dan dat biatch.

Liverpool now sucks. Mighty Reds have fallen, alongside with your blogging. I mean, from one lazy guy to another - this is a new low. Shame.

still love ya though, and you know i got your back, but not on this one....not on this one.

P.S. - for those of you who aren't Marty - go see V for Vendetta - a solid flick, I must say.

Done.

EM"

Ed. - Yes you uninteresting people, that was the most interesting comment of the day.

Mighty Reds

Here's to the 'Pool, who reached the semi-finals of the F.A Cup yesterday by demolishing Birmingham City by a whopping 7-0. That makes it 15 goals in the last 3 games, hopefully putting an end to the constant press about our "misfiring" strikers. In case you missed it our scorers were: Hyppia, Crouch, Crouch, Morientes, Riise and Cisse (and one own goal). Next up is the second Merseyside derby of the year (I think I mentioned what this is before) on Saturday, and yes, I will be up at 7:30am to watch, even though I could easily record it and watch it at 10am. Why? Because you simply have to see it live.

To more domestic news, our indoor soccer season is going amazingly. We are top of the league and playing well, pulling out wins on bad days, and dominating on good days. Hopefully this time we can actually win a couple playoff games and get some silverware.

That, my friends is all.

Before I leave, a couple of quotes from one of my fav movies.

"Vincent: Max, six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape cause of one fat guy.
Max: Well, who was he?
Vincent: What do you care? Have you ever heard of Rwanda?
Max: Yes, I know Rwanda.
Vincent: Well, tens of thousands killed before sundown. Nobody's killed people that fast since Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Did you bat an eye, Max?
Max: What?
Vincent: Did you join Amnesty International, Oxfam, Save the Whales, Greenpeace, or something? No. I off one fat Angelino and you throw a hissy fit.
Max: Man, I don't know any Rwandans.
Vincent: You don't know the guy in the trunk, either."

"Vincent: Okay, look, here's the deal. Man, you were gonna drive me around tonight, never be the wiser, but El Gordo got in front of a window, did his high dive, we're into Plan B. Still breathing? Now we gotta make the best of it, improvise, adapt to the environment, Darwin, shit happens, I Ching, whatever man, we gotta roll with it.
Max: I Ching? What are you talking about, man? You threw a man out of a window.
Vincent: I didn't throw him. He *fell*
Max: Well what did he do to you?
Vincent: What?
Max: What did he do to *you*?
Vincent: Nothing. I only met him tonight.
Max: You just met him once and you killed him like that?
Vincent: What? I should only kill people after I get to know them?"

here's a "hypothetical"

Hope y'all had a good weekend. I will make this quick because it's 3am and my knee is the size of a small coconut (soccer incident). Anyhow, I was thinking about this earlier and decided to let you weigh in on the proverbial scale:

When, if ever, is it time to drop a friend from your life? When is it time to part ways with someone who's been a friend for a long time, but someone you suddenly realize has added nothing to your life for quite a while and is someone who no longer shares your outlook or attitudes you look for in a friend? What do you do? A slow phase out or the "band-aid" approach? (the quicker you get it over with the better)

We all make friendships when we're young that stick with us. But as you grow older, things change. This is natural. People change. Physiology, biology, sociology. Simple. Maybe the reason you were friends in the first place is no longer reasonable - be it a love for Star Trek or a shared fascination with bugs. Or perhaps you suddently realize the person no longer fits the profile of people you'd like to hang out with. I'm sure you've all felt this. After speaking to the subject, you wonder "this guy/girl is so annoying, why the fuck am I still friendly with this person?" Or "Jesus H. Christ, this person adds no value to my life whatsoever. If I met him/her today I wouldn't even consider having him/her as a friend". And I guess that's the litmus test. Actually, it's a great one.

And then you think about the past experiences and good times you've spent and think "I'm being a little hasty. We've been through a lot. There's history there". But really you've missed the point. Maybe you SHOULDN'T be friends. People change. Maybe you're not supposed to be friends with that person for the rest of your life. Friendships for the most part are transient. But they're important. Choose them wisely. And don't be afraid to cut the cord when things go wrong.

Now, this is all "hypothetical" mind you...I'm not saying this is happening or has happened. But it has crossed my mind. So be nice to me next time you see me!

PEACE.

Will the real Xboy please stand up

OK people, Xboy has responded. I can't believe the stir he caused with one innocuous post. The comments he inspired were interesting to say the least. I will let him continue..

"i knew some of the commenters were crazy but i obviously didn't realize the extent of it. someone actually posted a comment and signed my name at the bottom - that was pretty funny, yet creepy. i am setting up an account and will no longer be anonymous, so you totally creepy people stop stealing my identity. it's interesting that in my travels, as i was in my youth, i remain pretty anonymous. in the States, my business sale made headlines. it put me in a limelight that i did not seek nor enjoy. i escaped it, and for better or worse i have descended into normality. i will admit it's not a normality that everyone can or has the potential to experience in their lifetime...it is not mundane or ordinary. the south of france is amazing and though people say french people are rude, i find them warm and full of life, at least along the french riviera. the beauty of antibes, the chic of canne, the iles de lerins...but i am moving on soon. for reasons i'd rather not discuss.

to Jetboy, i thank you for the invitation to your blog. i enjoy reading it. kind of schizo on certain days, but you have a great style. very unique. martymarto, that girl i spoke of...she was rude and snobby and besides physical beauty, totally uninteresting. will keep searching. ciao. xboy"

Hmmm

Well kids, I must thank Xboy for the interest he has generated. I've invited him to continue his story, and am waiting for a response. I will probably get it sometime today, though I am not sure when. I watched Grizzly Man tonight - very interesting doc about a man, Timothy Treadwell, who spent his life living with bears in a remote part of Alaska. Eventually, and I am not ruining the ending, he is killed by a bear, as is his girlfriend. He thought he was there to protect them, and often lived by himself for months at a time. The ending is ironic and touching. Park rangers move in to kill the "man-eating" bear, who, without Treadwell's intervention, would have lived a longer life. Anyhow, I'd recommend watching it. At the very least, you'll be entertained. At most it will, as the director so modestly puts it, illuminate the deepest recesses of the human spirit.

And to Jetboy, should you ever try to steal a contributor to my blog again, I shall declare another war of words, and this time I'm bringing the heavy artillery.

cheers :)

special guest blogger

yo call me Xboy, I got into contact with martymarto (or is it just marto now?) through this blog (which i came across randomly) and he decided to let me take control of the mike for one entry. i had read a couple of the comments and thought i'd like to join the community. i have only made one comment so far, but that was to a blog entry that i thought was below par. the responses i received after that made me even more sure that you people were interesting. so that's how i got here... so here goes. a bit about me first.

i am 30 years old. i am retired. comfortably. some people call me a techie, but that describes how i made my money, not who i am as a person. some people like the term "geek", but i don't. it's derogatory no matter how you spin it. my company was bought by yahoo! back in 2001 for an obscene amount of money...i didn't have a clue my small business was worth that much until, after seeing my friends in the business get insanely wealthy, i decided to take advantage of what people later called the internet bubble. so now i live life to the fullest. and i really mean it. before i sold out i had never travelled anywhere outside the States. my family grew up poor and we could never afford it. we once drove 28hrs straight to Florida, where we stayed in a days inn and went to disney world for 2 days. my brother and i had the greatest time of our lives, and even though it took my dad a month to pay if off, he still considers it one of the best investments he's ever made. that's because it opened our eyes to possibilities. possibilities outside of average lives lived by average people with average dreams. like you possibly. though i doubt it from reading the comments you leave.

so now i travel for 8 months of the year. every so often i fly my family in to join me, though they all have very full lives of their own. right now i am in the south of france, which i often make my base when i am in europe. it used to feel weird saying that, but it doesn't anymore. i don't really fit in here. i am neither european, nor suave, nor old money. in fact i am quite the opposite. but that's ok, i have never really fit in anywhere. my friends are bellboys and doormen, and yacht captains and hotel managers. i travel first class, because i can. it gets boring after a while.

anyhow i wanted to write more but that's enough for now. p.s. marto, i think i found your muse. she is sitting next to me on the beach, in a white string bikini. her skin is dark, her eyes are bright green, and she talks with a hint of an italian accent. can't be older than 24. also, if you'd like me to email you another blog entry let me know. i will be checking back regularly.
for now i will attempt to hit on this lovely girl. wish me luck. in case you're wondering, yes, having money helps.
ciao.

on the town....

So these last few weeks have been quite entertaining. The Spaniard was in town, and in my attempt to show him that Toronto is a half-decent city, I found out that Toronto is actually quite the half-decent city. Not fully decent, like New York, Sydney, London, Barcelona or Hong Kong - and lest I forget, Cape Town. But it has its charms. Some people think the weather's a slight issue. Sure, like the solitary bullet in the chamber is a slight issue to the man playing Russian roullette. The cold quite simply sucks. I dislike it. And were it to appear in front of me in human form I would kick it in the balls and then insult its mama.

I've eaten so much late night Chinese food that I should probably change my nickname to General Tao. And my stomach is still filled with a swimming pool of rye and ginger, Corona and cheap rum - what I imagine Courtney Love's bathtub looks like. F'n slag.

Anyhow I am boring myself to tears again. So perhaps another break is in order. That fucking muse is still on hiatus.

I leave you with some magic from a man I like to call Larry D:

'[Larry is following directions that told him to make a turn when he saw a barn]
Larry: Was that a barn? Was that a barn? I think it was too small to be a barn, it looked more like a stable. There was a cow there, does that mean... what? That it could have been a barn? There's no cows in barns. There's cows on a farm. Are there always barns on farms? There are stables in farms, right, but not necessarily barns? I don't think that was the barn.'

[Larry is making small talk during a long, boring car ride with Cheryl]
Larry: You ever had a fresh grape? Huh? I've had... I've had fresh *apples*. Never had a fresh *grape*. Never... had a fresh *cherry*. Never had a fresh *pear*. Never *seen* a pear. Never saw a pear outside of a fruit stand.

Genius!
ciao amigos.
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To My Muse

News about my muse? Well she is nowhere to be found. So here is my attempt to find her.

Dear Muse,

My search for you is unyielding,
The implications are far-reaching.
To the depths of the earth, to the ends of time
Where is this muse of mine?

Your precious words, your soothing tone,
For which sins must I atone?
To get you back, to have you near,
To massage and soothe and calm my fears.

They say your words can be a tonic,
But they fail me now, they make me sick.
A more telling moment I could not have picked
To urge you to come home... and quick.

Sincerely,

The Creative Mind of Marto

_____________________________________________________________________
Yes, I'm a poet. And I know it.

Knocked out.

Here's to happier times boys... you'll never walk alone.

____________________________________________________________________
p.s. karpel, be warned. leave a snarky comment and you will feel my wrath.

WATCH THIS SPACE!

Update coming soon............................

I need a muse.

The creative side of my brain has gone into hibernation. Like a bear living for months off the mounds of fat it has stored in its hideously gigantic belly, this blog has slowly drained the creative juice that fuels my albeit rare moments of invention. My well is dry like the Sahara in summer. Or winter. My well is bare, like Jetboy's cupboard after a midnight snack. My well is empty like an Ethiopian boy's stomach...after taking the biggest shit of his life. The only creative thought running through my mind is: .................................... I think perhaps you get the point by now. SO, instead of writing thoughtless, mindless junk, I will write nothing at all until I find my muse. Or until I get horribly drunk and am placed in front of a keyboard.

Until we meet again, I bid you good evening.

yours in bloggage,

Marto

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p.s. the pic is from my bro's trip to the Phillipines; beautiful, inspirational, sensational!

Movie of the Month.

Hi there kids...here's another (hopefully) regular feature on this blog. It's something I like to call Movie of The Month. Being the movie obsessed person that I am, I constantly scan the upcoming releases for items of interest. Every month I will highlight one film that I am most looking forward to and that has the best potential of the bunch of slew that Hollywood throws at us. Let's begin.

Marto's March Movie of the Month is...(drumroll please...):

V for Vendetta. March 17th

Reasons:

a) Natalie Portman.
b) The Wachowski Bros (think Matrix trilogy)
c) A vision of a dystopic future: a post WWIII totalitarian British state that necessitates an anarchic revolution...and who doesn't like a movie about that!
d) It's going to be dark. And I love dark movies.
e) The tagline: "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."

Honourable mention for March: The Inside Man, March 24th - Clive Owen + Denzel + Jodie Foster + Spike Lee = an interesting movie.