Reasons never to leave the house on a Saturday night.

1. You might find yourself standing in line for a club on the coldest night of the year.
2. You might find yourself standing in line for 1.5 hrs for a club on the coldest night of the year.
3. You might find your toes frozen and imagine them breaking off like twigs while waiting in line for 1.5 hrs for a club on the coldest night of the year.
4. You might be forced to wait in line for 1.5 hrs for a club on the coldest night of the year, only to hear the bouncer (who you could easily murder at this point) say "we're at capacity" when you come within 4 feet of the front of the line.
You then might choose 1 of 2 options:
a) bludgeon the bouncer to death with the back of your shoe and spend your remaining years locked inside a prison cell with a 6ft. 5", 350lb cell mate named Bubba, who has a penchant for sodomy.
b) decide, after waiting in line for 1.5hrs for a club on the coldest night of the year, to say "the hell with it" and exit the line, an option that might have been more appropriate about 1.25hrs earlier.
5. After exiting the line, you might return to the spot where your car used to be and find strangely enough that everything is there but the car.
6. After cursing the tow companies, their thieving employees, policemen, parking laws and anyone within a five mile radius, you might be forced to go pickup your car from the lot.
7. After picking up the car, you might be forced to remember how you spent $150 for a night in which you waited in the freezing cold like a bum for 1.5hrs, and then paid someone who stole your car an obscene amount of money for the privilege of driving it home.

Life is grand, isn't it? Next Saturday I'm watching SNL reruns all night.

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Yes, this really did happen, and yes, I am pissed.
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